Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships, is an extensive website all about Karezza.

They define Karezza as "a gentle, affectionate form of intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal, and ideally does not occur in either partner while making love." A good place to start, and to find out more about what they mean by Karezza, is http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza

Note that the Reuniting site presents Karezza as being much more than just the male not ejaculating during intercourse. If you search for Karezza on Wikipedia you land on the page for Coitus Reservatus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karezza), and this Wikipedia page gives you a good idea of the different names and variations of related techniques.

On this page I first give my views on the Reuniting website, and then I compare Karezza with Devotional Sex.
 
The website is very extensive. The sections on Science and on Wisdom contain so much information that so far I've only skimmed it. The site includes historical information about Karezza as well as articles about related techniques.

There is also a forum. Though there are only a few posts each day, over time the forum has built up to become a long and involved discussion.

I've found it very difficult to get a grasp of exactly what people who practice Karezza actually do. Much of the explanatory text is about not doing something (not getting too aroused, not having an orgasm) and thus it is difficult to know what people do and how often.

The huge amount of material also makes it difficult to define Karezza because if one place says one thing, it is always possible that somewhere else something different will be presented. For example, when not having intercourse there is much written about bonding activities which are meant to be done without getting sexually aroused. Yet sometimes arousal does seem to be ok.

The good thing about such variation is that any couple who wants to explore Karezza has many options. But the lack of definition does make it hard to compare and contrast Karezza with other techniques.

In the forum one poster said "this board is almost entirely made up of former porn addicts and people who have some degree of POIS (post orgasmic illness syndrome) which of course are super sensitive and get tipped of balance by orgasms in a way normal people do not and have great difficulties in controlling themselves when it comes to sex."

Certainly the site and the forum talk about the long-term damaging effects of orgasms in a way that I think most people will have trouble relating to. And I wonder whether the justification for recommending that women also don't orgasm is based upon male response, and from that the idea that what is right for him must therefore be best for her.

The anti-porn position is also extreme. Certainly anyone who becomes seriously addicted to porn has a problem. But the site seems to ignore the middle ground where some porn is viewed but this has not got out of control.

The main reason given for not getting aroused during just a cuddle, and not engaging in foreplay, is that sexual arousal will lead to orgasm. This reasoning seems similar to me to an alcoholic saying that just one drink is bad because it leads to excessive drinking and the problems which follow. Some of the site has the zeal of the reformed alcoholic who no longer drinks.

The view that arousal leads to orgasm goes against one of the main lessons of Tantra - that arousal is good in itself, and that orgasm can be either delayed until the end of a long session, or deferred until another time.

The site has a bit too much of a feel that Karezza is "the right and best way". The science section seems to suggest that Karezza will work for everyone, and if people applied it they would all be better off.

Much of the site and discussions assume that sex is the key to whether or not couples stay together in the long-term, and that Karezza is the only way to ensure that a relationship will last. Certainly a good sex life will help keep a couple together, but this is only one factor, and relationships can end for many reasons other than lack of connection and bad sex. (I wonder how many relationships have broken down because one person wanted to practice Karezza and their partner did not!)

I even found a `justification´ for Karezza being better than the Taoist multi-orgasmic man technique because the author of that book has since left his wife for a younger woman.

The site also has a flavor of using any source which praises `cuddle, connection sex´ over base, animal-like sex as support for Karezza, whilst all the benefits of Karezza are contrasted with just base sex. There seems to be little recognition that other ways of having good sex will also make a couple's relationship better and longer lasting.

What makes Karezza different from other techniques is that it is the only sexual technique I know of which has a feel of being anti-sex.

Tantra, Tao, and Devotional Sex all promise much better sex, and more of it. All three techniques teach practitioners to be relaxed with arousal and to enjoy the moment of all sexual pleasures. Each technique significantly increase connection with your partner, but they all can be justified to others as a way of having better sex.

It seems to me that Karezza is very high on connecting and bonding, but achieves this at the expense of a good sex life.
  
 
As I say at the top of the page where I compare Devotional Sex with other techniques, there is no `best´ technique, but there is probably a best technique for you and your partner at this time. For some people their best technique will be Karezza, and for them the Reuniting website is highly recommended.

Those interested in exploring ways of making sex more meaningful and connecting will find a wealth of material on the website, and so I recommend that you check it out even if Karezza is not for you.
 

With both Karezza and Devotional Sex (and Tantra) the focus during intercourse is on connection and enjoying the moment rather than an animal-like rush to reach orgasm.

Karezza has the ideal of neither partner having an orgasm because, according to Karezza, orgasms do not promote bonding and they can even make the relationship worse.

With Devotional Sex orgasms are good. A Princess can have an orgasm whenever she wishes (either through Joy or the Ritual command). It is common within Devotional Sex to have a session where the Princess orgasms but the Knight neither ejaculates nor Crests.

A Knight will usually not ejaculate when there is sexual activity, but he will sometimes enjoy multiple orgasms without ejaculating. And when a Princess has her Knight ejaculate this is very much enjoyed by both.

With Tao the man also does not ejaculate most times he has sex, but the books provide a guideline as to how often he can ejaculate depending on his age. With Devotional Sex I have taken these Taoist recommendation as the maximum that a man should go without ejaculating, and I suggest a much more generous regime for a Knight (see How many days between each Climax in Chapter 3).

I've not yet found any recommended ejaculation frequency for Karezza apart from the ideal of the man never ejaculating (apart from when wanting to conceive).
 
 
Karezza does not encourage "standard foreplay" either on its own or before intercourse.

With Devotional Sex a session which consists of only one or more foreplay activities is very common, and when intercourse is included, foreplay can happen before or even after intercourse (for example, a Princess can have her Knight stop intercourse and have him give her oral sex).

Karezza has the view that sexual arousal is bad because the couple will be unable to refrain from continuing till orgasm. Devotional Sex includes many times of enjoying sexual arousal that does not end with an orgasm.
  
 
Both Karezza and Devotional Sex are lifestyle techniques (they not only effect all sexual activity, but set what happens on days when there is no full sexual activity).
  
 
With Karezza there are lots of bonding activities during which the aim is for neither person to become sexually aroused.

Within Devotional Sex the man having an erection is always a good thing, and it is common for a Devotee couple to enjoy a cuddle which goes no further even though the Knight is aroused. In fact one of the main bonding activities within Devotional Sex is the Devotional Cuddle (a cuddle where the Princess holds her Knight's erection).

With Karezza the female helps her partner minimize his arousal, whilst with Devotional Sex a Princess has fun encouraging and enjoying her partner's arousal.

Hence, compared to not practicing any advanced sexual technique, a man who practices Karezza will have far fewer erections, whilst a man practicing Devotional Sex will have many more.

And whilst Karezza minimizes times of female arousal, a Devotional Sex Princess will enjoy more times or arousal, more sexual activity, and many more orgasms.
  
 
Karezza's main aim is to "keep lovers in balance and sustain the harmony of their unions" and to avoid "the curse of sexual stimulation leading to desensitization and discontent". So whilst Karezza is very high on connection, sex is minimized.

With Devotional Sex (like Tantra) the aim is to enjoy more and better sex (as well as increasing connection).
  
 
While Tantra often creates connection through specified techniques and exercises (eg Tantra often focuses on breathing), both Karezza and Devotional Sex achieve connection as part of living the technique.

Tantra gives you lots of examples of what to do - ie sit this way, look at each other like this, touch like this, breathe this way, etc

Karezza tends to talk about what not to do - ie don't get aroused.

With Devotional Sex most of the Tantric like connection aspects happen as part of what you are doing. These times of connection would be enhanced by doing some Tantra (such as deliberate breathing) but they still feel very special without doing anything deliberate to enhance them.
  
 
Karezza has an emphasis on keeping a monogamous couple together, and this I've not found any positive mention of activities with others.

Devotional Sex also increases and maintains connection between a couple, but, for those wanting to explore, Devotional sex also provides a new way of enabling activities with others. When using Devotional Sex for activities either in front of or with others, the Knight never ejaculates, and activities don't go as far as Joy. Within these limitations Devotional Sex says that arousal and connection with others can be a good and fun thing for those couples who are interested to explore.

And for those not in a relationship, Devotional Sex enables and encourages activities with friends. Once again a Knight never ejaculates when with a Devotional Friend, and activities never go as far as Joy. For example, see  this true story of Tracey and Michael.
  
 
Karezza does not have an erotic power dynamic, and thus the couple need to negotiate activities in the normal way.

With the Princess Power of Devotional Sex it becomes very easy for a Princess to be relaxed (and not feeling sexual) whilst enjoying a cuddle with her aroused Knight.

Many of the fun parts of Devotional Sex arise from the Princess using her power. So many of the fun parts of Devotional Sex will not happen with Karezza.
  
 
The Reuniting website says much about using Karezza to beat addiction to porn.

Devotional Sex has the man feeling horny all of the time, and thus viewing some porn can become more desirable.

What changes with practicing Devotional Sex is what types of porn a Knight finds attractive. Once a man has learned to enjoy Devotional Sex most porn becomes either boring or a bit of a turn-off.

Almost all video porn is fast, pumping style sex with no connection between the participants. Most female pleasure is clearly faked for the camera, and often the female plays a submissive role to the male fantasy. Once you appreciate fine food, an advertisement for fast food holds little attraction - even if you are hungry. And once you fully appreciate Devotional Sex I believe that most video porn will become boring.

But the internet provides lots of photos, and amongst the rubbish can be found explicit photos of sex with connection. Not all porn is bad.
  
 
Though a man can easily practice Devotional Sex with a new date, I think it would be very difficult for a man to introduce a new date to Karezza, and even harder for a women to introduce it to her new date.

When a man goes on a date and something happens, it is easy for him to decide that he will not ejaculate and that he will obey his Princess. As the true story of the first date of Ada and Michael shows, Devotional Sex can be very wonderful right from the first date.

Telling a date that you want to practice Karezza and thus she should not orgasm and foreplay should be avoided is, I would think, much less likely to receive a positive reaction.
  
 
Karezza and Devotional Sex share the desire to use sex for connection, and both have the male not ejaculating most times the couple have intercourse. But, as seen above, the two techniques also have many significant differences.
 
You can ask questions and discuss the differences between Karezza and Devotional Sex in the Devotional Sex Forum here.

I also welcome any comments about my review of the Reuniting website. As I have only skimmed the site I may have got something wrong. If I have, please let me know!
 

 
References and Reviews