More about using Devotional Sex for Dating
Using Devotional Sex to have fun doing things differently
One
way of proceeding is to go through the `normal´ sequence of
events, but to use your power to do this much more slowly and to not go
the whole way.
Your power can also be used to have some extra fun by doing things a bit differently. With Devotional Sex it is very easy to break from the `normal´ sequence because:
Your power can also be used to have some extra fun by doing things a bit differently. With Devotional Sex it is very easy to break from the `normal´ sequence because:
- Teasing is fun and need not lead on to
something else (at least not until you want it to).
- There is no
equality of
actions. The `normal´ way is that you both do things
together,
for example get undressed at
the same time, or take turns with actions (eg one person gives oral
sex, then the other reciprocates). It can be very exciting, and
lots of fun, to play
with deliberately not making things equal.
- There is no `slippery slope´. Doing A then B does not mean that C will necessarily follow. And as you have full control, having done A and B you can have fun, and surprise your partner, by jumping ahead to do some E before going back to B.
One of the biggest benefits of using
Devotional Sex for your first sexual intimacy is that it now becomes
very easy for you to have things happen the way you
want. You decide the pace, and you decide what does and does not happen
(which may be as simple as your saying "yes", "not yet", and "no" to
your date's suggestions).
If you would like to enjoy receiving a foot massage, and then go no further than ending with a chaste cuddle in the living room, then you can. If you think it would be fun and sexy for one of you to be undressed while the other remains fully clothed while you enjoy the foot massage and cuddle, then you can. If your would like to enjoy kissing and cuddling in bed with you both keeping your underpants on and going no further, then you can. If you would like to go a bit further and play with his erection while keeping your panties on all night and not letting him touch you, then you can. And if you would like him to give you some long and sensual oral sex and also want your date to keep his underpants on all night, then you can.
All of the above possibilities are unlikely if you start first intimacy the `normal´ way. Using Devotional Sex it feels very natural for any of the the above to happen. And as you choose how far, and what happens, whatever you choose to do will feel safe and comfortable. Of course it will also be lots of fun and feel very sexy. You will find that Devotional Sex also creates an intimacy which the `normal´ way of doing things often lacks.
If you would like to enjoy receiving a foot massage, and then go no further than ending with a chaste cuddle in the living room, then you can. If you think it would be fun and sexy for one of you to be undressed while the other remains fully clothed while you enjoy the foot massage and cuddle, then you can. If your would like to enjoy kissing and cuddling in bed with you both keeping your underpants on and going no further, then you can. If you would like to go a bit further and play with his erection while keeping your panties on all night and not letting him touch you, then you can. And if you would like him to give you some long and sensual oral sex and also want your date to keep his underpants on all night, then you can.
All of the above possibilities are unlikely if you start first intimacy the `normal´ way. Using Devotional Sex it feels very natural for any of the the above to happen. And as you choose how far, and what happens, whatever you choose to do will feel safe and comfortable. Of course it will also be lots of fun and feel very sexy. You will find that Devotional Sex also creates an intimacy which the `normal´ way of doing things often lacks.
Part of your date's commitment to Devotional Sex is that he must communicate with you openly.
You only need to ask to find out what he likes and why, or to have him make suggestions about what could happen next.
Devotional Sex enables a huge amount of variation in how things are done. Each couple will find what works best for them, and so will do things in a unique way.
The ideas on this page might initially seem strange. The reason for suggesting them is not just to encourage you to do things differently. Rather, it is to help you find fun ways to better explore and enjoy the excitement of getting to know someone new. It is not what is done that is important. It is the feelings and emotions that arise while you are doing the activity.
When you try a new activity, the strongest feelings come at the start of that activity. Whilst trying something different may feel strange, it can also feel exciting. The adventurous will find their first experience of a new activity to be the most fun. Others might find that they need to be brave when starting something new, and that the rewards come a few minutes later.
Devotional Sex works best if you take your time with each activity. This gives you both the opportunity to become comfortable with what you are doing. After a while what at first might have felt strange starts to feel comfortable. The feelings that arise from the activity being new and different become less strong, and instead you start to enjoy the activity for what it is. The activity becomes not a step on the way to something else, but a place to stop (for a while) and enjoy.
This is when intimacy and connection thrive. And this is when Devotional Sex is most special.
Taking your time also ensures that there is no rush to decide whether or not to do another activity or go a bit further. You can wait until it starts to feel right before you do something else or go further. It might feel right not to do either.
Even if you know you want to try lots of different activities, take your time at each activity so you can both fully enjoy the journey.
Taking your time also leaves your partner not knowing whether other activities will take place. This reinforces your power in deciding whether or not to go further. And if he feels that the current activity might be as far as things go that night, he will find it easier to focus on fully enjoying the moment.
Devotional Sex works best if you start the journey much earlier in the evening than you might start `normal´ sexual activity. This gives you both time to enjoy a long journey. Remember that starting Devotional Sex does not `commit´ you to going to bed with your partner later, and even if you do decide to go to bed with him, you can do this in a very chaste way (see below).
This page suggests ways of doing things differently so that you can make the most of your journey. There are lots of activities that you can spend time enjoying. Please ignore the ideas that do not appeal, and don't be afraid to try the ideas that you think might be fun. Maybe this page will inspire you to come up with your own ideas!
Always remember that what happens is totally up to you!
You are not doing Devotional Sex `right´ if you follow the suggestions below. You are doing it `right´ when it feels right to you and your partner.
And when it feels right to you both, the experience is so much better than `normal´ dating that you will understand why your partner took the risk of asking you to use Devotional Sex right from the start of your sexual relationship.
Massages
If you feel
comfortable with your
date, but do not feel ready to take intimacy very far, you can use
Devotional Sex to enjoy an evening of massages only (foot, back, and/or
body).
You can either tell your partner early on that the evening's activities will consist of massage only, or you can leave him guessing.
In Devotional Sex erotic energy is a good thing. If your partner gives you a massage, especially if you are partially or fully undressed, he is likely to get turned on. This does not mean that anything further will happen. His freedom to get turned on is balanced by your power to decide what does or does not happen.
If he does get turned on you can either pretend to ignore this or have fun talking about it. Talking about it will lead to him being more turned on (as you are acknowledging his arousal), and feeling more under your power (as he knows it's possible that nothing else will happen).
If he is turned on by massaging you, and if you do not want to take the activities any further that night, he will very much enjoy giving you a cuddle at the end. His energy will have him keen to do a little more than just a cuddle. If you want you can enjoy a few minutes of going a bit further (which is a lovely tease for him). If you do not want this you may need to be firm. If he suggests something that you do not want, just say "not tonight".
A foot massage is a very good way to start the evening. It is intimate, but in a safe way. As you are facing each other it is also easy to talk during the massage. Starting this way is symbolic of Devotional Sex in that it shows that he is eager to give you pleasure, and his sitting at your feet is symbolic of your power over him. It also both breaks the ice and is relaxing for you at the same time.
With Devotional Sex a foot massage does not need to lead on to something else, so do not be afraid to enjoy just a foot massage.
And if you do decide to go a bit further, remember that there is no rush. So properly enjoy the massage before doing the next step.
If you would like a foot massage you do not need to wait until he offers to do this. His wish to use Devotional Sex means that he will give you a foot massage whenever you ask. You could confidently show that you enjoy your new power by saying "I would like a foot massage please". Or you might prefer to give him an obvious hint that this is what you would like.
Another way to enjoy some erotic energy and relaxation together, and to also enjoy the freedom of not needing to go any further, is to have a (spa) bath together. There will be lots of looking, but any touching is up to you. To make things more chaste, ask for a bubble bath. To be more teasing, enjoy a clear bath with some nice bath salts or oils. It can be fun to have him dry you after it's over.
You can either tell your partner early on that the evening's activities will consist of massage only, or you can leave him guessing.
In Devotional Sex erotic energy is a good thing. If your partner gives you a massage, especially if you are partially or fully undressed, he is likely to get turned on. This does not mean that anything further will happen. His freedom to get turned on is balanced by your power to decide what does or does not happen.
If he does get turned on you can either pretend to ignore this or have fun talking about it. Talking about it will lead to him being more turned on (as you are acknowledging his arousal), and feeling more under your power (as he knows it's possible that nothing else will happen).
If he is turned on by massaging you, and if you do not want to take the activities any further that night, he will very much enjoy giving you a cuddle at the end. His energy will have him keen to do a little more than just a cuddle. If you want you can enjoy a few minutes of going a bit further (which is a lovely tease for him). If you do not want this you may need to be firm. If he suggests something that you do not want, just say "not tonight".
A foot massage is a very good way to start the evening. It is intimate, but in a safe way. As you are facing each other it is also easy to talk during the massage. Starting this way is symbolic of Devotional Sex in that it shows that he is eager to give you pleasure, and his sitting at your feet is symbolic of your power over him. It also both breaks the ice and is relaxing for you at the same time.
With Devotional Sex a foot massage does not need to lead on to something else, so do not be afraid to enjoy just a foot massage.
And if you do decide to go a bit further, remember that there is no rush. So properly enjoy the massage before doing the next step.
If you would like a foot massage you do not need to wait until he offers to do this. His wish to use Devotional Sex means that he will give you a foot massage whenever you ask. You could confidently show that you enjoy your new power by saying "I would like a foot massage please". Or you might prefer to give him an obvious hint that this is what you would like.
Another way to enjoy some erotic energy and relaxation together, and to also enjoy the freedom of not needing to go any further, is to have a (spa) bath together. There will be lots of looking, but any touching is up to you. To make things more chaste, ask for a bubble bath. To be more teasing, enjoy a clear bath with some nice bath salts or oils. It can be fun to have him dry you after it's over.
Only one person nude or partially undressed
With
Devotional Sex there is no need for equality of actions and activities.
In fact things are much more exciting and fun if there is a deliberate
creation of inequality in the way the activities take place. Your power
to decide what happens makes it easy to choose to do one activity and
leave other activity for another time.
One fun way of exploring and having fun with this inequality is to have one person nude or partially undressed (eg wearing just underpants) while the other remains fully dressed. Of course you choose which person does which.
Because Devotional Sex is all about doing things slowly, and things need not go any further, it is safe and fun to start playing with erotic energy earlier in the evening than you would normally commence sexual activity. So if you would like to `get into something more comfortable´ or just take some of your clothes off, or you would like your partner to be nude or partially undressed, you can start this early.
It can be fun to keep the clothing inequality happening for a while. You could even listen to some music, have dinner, or watch a DVD while enjoying this dynamic.
It is also fun and exciting to enjoy this dynamic before you have even had the first cuddle or kiss. Having the first kiss when one person is nude and the other is fully clothed is a unique experience! The dynamic is very different depending on who is nude (but both scenarios are fun).
If you choose to take some or all of your clothes off, or to wear `something more comfortable´, then he will feel teased and excited by looking at you. He is not allowed to touch you unless you give permission. Visually teasing him with your body is a fun way to feel both sexy and powerful.
If you would like him to take something, or everything, off, just let him know. He will do what you say. If you are very confident (or brave), you only need to say "Reveal", and he will take everything off.
Your being fully dressed, and he being undressed, is an interesting dynamic. He will feel a mixture of vulnerability and excitement. And as the evening progresses the balance between these emotional states will constantly shift. If he is nude, you will have a visual indication of the rise and fall of his erotic energy throughout the evening!
The feelings you experience from this dynamic may also change throughout the evening. At times it might just be fun, while at other times you might feel powerful or sexy. You might also very much enjoy his vulnerability and the knowledge that he is prepared to do this for you.
If he does feel very vulnerable, then he will very much be wanting some comfort. While letting him cuddle you would be best for him, if you do not want to go this far, let him sit at your feet and cuddle your legs.
Remember that having him nude or partially undressed does not imply that you will ever touch him. If you decide to enjoy cuddling your naked partner, it is up to you whether you never touch his hardness, sometimes give him little touches, just enjoy holding his hardness as you cuddle, or actively play with him. If you feel empowered and are enjoying the cuddle, then you are doing the right thing!
When cuddling your partner his hands might start to wander. If you like his new hand position let him know (just a "mmmm" will do). If you do not want him to do this just tell him. And if he is behaving himself too much and you would like him to touch you more, remember that he is not a mind reader, so let him know what you would like. If you are the naked or slightly undressed person, your power to say "no" if he moves his hand means that it is easy to enjoy a cuddle without your partner going further than you wish.
If you are going to start the evening with a foot massage, then the start of the foot massage is a very good time to have one person do any undressing. It is then fun for both of you to enjoy the dynamic of the clothing difference during the foot massage.
You might like the idea of him being undressed while he gives you a foot massage, but find it difficult to ask him to do this. As he knows that this is a possibility, part of him starting the massage should be him asking you whether or not you would like him to undress. Answering "yes, please" to his question, or just nodding your head in response, might be much easier for you than having to tell him what to do. Let him know if you prefer him to keep his underpants on. Of course you should answer "no" if you prefer him to remain clothed.
The main reason for spending time with one person nude and the other clothed is for both of you to have fun, and for you to feel empowered and special. It is a unique way to play with erotic energy, and for things to be very sexy yet also chaste (as it might not lead to any explicit touching).
Playing this game also makes the Devotional Sex power dynamic feel real, and is a very memorable way of showing that Devotional Sex is both different, and very fun and sexy.
One fun way of exploring and having fun with this inequality is to have one person nude or partially undressed (eg wearing just underpants) while the other remains fully dressed. Of course you choose which person does which.
Because Devotional Sex is all about doing things slowly, and things need not go any further, it is safe and fun to start playing with erotic energy earlier in the evening than you would normally commence sexual activity. So if you would like to `get into something more comfortable´ or just take some of your clothes off, or you would like your partner to be nude or partially undressed, you can start this early.
It can be fun to keep the clothing inequality happening for a while. You could even listen to some music, have dinner, or watch a DVD while enjoying this dynamic.
It is also fun and exciting to enjoy this dynamic before you have even had the first cuddle or kiss. Having the first kiss when one person is nude and the other is fully clothed is a unique experience! The dynamic is very different depending on who is nude (but both scenarios are fun).
If you choose to take some or all of your clothes off, or to wear `something more comfortable´, then he will feel teased and excited by looking at you. He is not allowed to touch you unless you give permission. Visually teasing him with your body is a fun way to feel both sexy and powerful.
If you would like him to take something, or everything, off, just let him know. He will do what you say. If you are very confident (or brave), you only need to say "Reveal", and he will take everything off.
Your being fully dressed, and he being undressed, is an interesting dynamic. He will feel a mixture of vulnerability and excitement. And as the evening progresses the balance between these emotional states will constantly shift. If he is nude, you will have a visual indication of the rise and fall of his erotic energy throughout the evening!
The feelings you experience from this dynamic may also change throughout the evening. At times it might just be fun, while at other times you might feel powerful or sexy. You might also very much enjoy his vulnerability and the knowledge that he is prepared to do this for you.
If he does feel very vulnerable, then he will very much be wanting some comfort. While letting him cuddle you would be best for him, if you do not want to go this far, let him sit at your feet and cuddle your legs.
Remember that having him nude or partially undressed does not imply that you will ever touch him. If you decide to enjoy cuddling your naked partner, it is up to you whether you never touch his hardness, sometimes give him little touches, just enjoy holding his hardness as you cuddle, or actively play with him. If you feel empowered and are enjoying the cuddle, then you are doing the right thing!
When cuddling your partner his hands might start to wander. If you like his new hand position let him know (just a "mmmm" will do). If you do not want him to do this just tell him. And if he is behaving himself too much and you would like him to touch you more, remember that he is not a mind reader, so let him know what you would like. If you are the naked or slightly undressed person, your power to say "no" if he moves his hand means that it is easy to enjoy a cuddle without your partner going further than you wish.
If you are going to start the evening with a foot massage, then the start of the foot massage is a very good time to have one person do any undressing. It is then fun for both of you to enjoy the dynamic of the clothing difference during the foot massage.
You might like the idea of him being undressed while he gives you a foot massage, but find it difficult to ask him to do this. As he knows that this is a possibility, part of him starting the massage should be him asking you whether or not you would like him to undress. Answering "yes, please" to his question, or just nodding your head in response, might be much easier for you than having to tell him what to do. Let him know if you prefer him to keep his underpants on. Of course you should answer "no" if you prefer him to remain clothed.
The main reason for spending time with one person nude and the other clothed is for both of you to have fun, and for you to feel empowered and special. It is a unique way to play with erotic energy, and for things to be very sexy yet also chaste (as it might not lead to any explicit touching).
Playing this game also makes the Devotional Sex power dynamic feel real, and is a very memorable way of showing that Devotional Sex is both different, and very fun and sexy.
Talking
Part
of your partner's commitment to Devotional Sex is that he must
communicate with you openly. You only need to ask to find out what he
likes and why, or to have him make suggestions about what could happen
next.
This is a great opportunity to enjoy some open discussion. Talking about what might happen can be fun and exciting. And it helps create a mental intimacy which adds to any physical intimacy.
This is a great opportunity to enjoy some open discussion. Talking about what might happen can be fun and exciting. And it helps create a mental intimacy which adds to any physical intimacy.
Teasing
Because you decide what will
happen, you
have a great opportunity to enjoy teasing your partner. With Devotional
Sex the teasing need not lead on to anything further.
With `normal´ sex, teasing that results in male arousal leads to many men thinking "you got me aroused, so now you owe me satisfaction (ie ejaculation)". Devotional Sex is all about enjoying erotic energy, and teasing creates such energy. So even if it goes no further, teasing in Devotional Sex is fun for both partners.
Remember that no matter how far you go, your partner will not ejaculate at the end. So for him any erotic energy generated from teasing is enjoyed for that moment. It no longer has any link with his future ejaculation. With Devotional Sex, teasing creates all the fun and erotic energy, but none of the frustration, of `normal´ sex.
Even if the teasing does lead to further intimacy, it is much more fun to be teased before enjoying such intimacy, than to go straight into it. Teasing makes the journey much more exciting!
`Normal´ sex often involves a few hours of mild anticipation, followed by perhaps 30 minutes of high-energy activity. Devotional Sex is different in that the sexual energy can be first raised and then lowered many times throughout the evening. Teasing is a good way to raise the level of energy early on.
If you start the evening by getting a foot massage, and you are wearing a dress or skirt, then his sitting at your feet while he gives you the massage may give him flashes, or a very obvious view, up your legs. He will very much enjoy this visual tease. You might enjoy being able to tease him this way. This tease makes it obvious that for him giving you the foot massage has a sexual component, and that he desires you. As it is totally up to you if anything happens after the foot massage, his desire for you may make you feel both desirable and powerful. If you do not want this type of tease during a foot massage, then think ahead and wear trousers!
One way of raising the energy level is for one person to touch the other intimately over clothing. If you want to excite him for a while, you could touch him over his trousers. You can then stop, and have him just cuddle you or go back to massaging you.
If he is nude, you can touch and play with him whenever you like, and stop doing this as soon as you want.
You could have him nibble up your legs towards your sex. Have him stop before he reaches it, and then tell him to wait. When you give permission he can then move up and please you over your trousers or panties. The pleasure this produces is symbolic rather than intense, but if you like the idea it is very powerful to experience.
As teasing does not need to lead on to the next step, you can tease your partner during the final activity of the night about the activity which would happen next if you had decided to go one step further.
With `normal´ sex, teasing that results in male arousal leads to many men thinking "you got me aroused, so now you owe me satisfaction (ie ejaculation)". Devotional Sex is all about enjoying erotic energy, and teasing creates such energy. So even if it goes no further, teasing in Devotional Sex is fun for both partners.
Remember that no matter how far you go, your partner will not ejaculate at the end. So for him any erotic energy generated from teasing is enjoyed for that moment. It no longer has any link with his future ejaculation. With Devotional Sex, teasing creates all the fun and erotic energy, but none of the frustration, of `normal´ sex.
Even if the teasing does lead to further intimacy, it is much more fun to be teased before enjoying such intimacy, than to go straight into it. Teasing makes the journey much more exciting!
`Normal´ sex often involves a few hours of mild anticipation, followed by perhaps 30 minutes of high-energy activity. Devotional Sex is different in that the sexual energy can be first raised and then lowered many times throughout the evening. Teasing is a good way to raise the level of energy early on.
If you start the evening by getting a foot massage, and you are wearing a dress or skirt, then his sitting at your feet while he gives you the massage may give him flashes, or a very obvious view, up your legs. He will very much enjoy this visual tease. You might enjoy being able to tease him this way. This tease makes it obvious that for him giving you the foot massage has a sexual component, and that he desires you. As it is totally up to you if anything happens after the foot massage, his desire for you may make you feel both desirable and powerful. If you do not want this type of tease during a foot massage, then think ahead and wear trousers!
One way of raising the energy level is for one person to touch the other intimately over clothing. If you want to excite him for a while, you could touch him over his trousers. You can then stop, and have him just cuddle you or go back to massaging you.
If he is nude, you can touch and play with him whenever you like, and stop doing this as soon as you want.
You could have him nibble up your legs towards your sex. Have him stop before he reaches it, and then tell him to wait. When you give permission he can then move up and please you over your trousers or panties. The pleasure this produces is symbolic rather than intense, but if you like the idea it is very powerful to experience.
As teasing does not need to lead on to the next step, you can tease your partner during the final activity of the night about the activity which would happen next if you had decided to go one step further.
How you use your power
You are using
your power over your partner properly when you are fully comfortable
and happy with what is happening.
If your partner suggests something and you like his idea, you only need to say "that would be nice". And if you do not want to do it, or want to wait a bit longer till you go that far, just say so. Everything he says is just a suggestion. Your power is to agree or disagree, or to suggest something else.
If you want to know what your partner thinks about an idea - ask him. If you want him to do something, just tell him. As long as it is within his limits (ie something that he will do), then he will do what you ask.
There is nothing wrong with giving him a `command´ in a soft manner (eg "a foot massage would be nice"). There is a big difference in the feel of the dynamic (for both you and him) between giving direct commands ("come and sit next to me") or making suggestions ("how about coming over here for a cuddle"). Either way, he will do as you say or suggest.
It is normal within Devotional Sex for much that happens to be initiated from your partners suggestions. Rather than leaving him to suggest everything, do not be afraid to take the initiative anytime you feel the urge.
If your partner suggests something and you like his idea, you only need to say "that would be nice". And if you do not want to do it, or want to wait a bit longer till you go that far, just say so. Everything he says is just a suggestion. Your power is to agree or disagree, or to suggest something else.
If you want to know what your partner thinks about an idea - ask him. If you want him to do something, just tell him. As long as it is within his limits (ie something that he will do), then he will do what you ask.
There is nothing wrong with giving him a `command´ in a soft manner (eg "a foot massage would be nice"). There is a big difference in the feel of the dynamic (for both you and him) between giving direct commands ("come and sit next to me") or making suggestions ("how about coming over here for a cuddle"). Either way, he will do as you say or suggest.
It is normal within Devotional Sex for much that happens to be initiated from your partners suggestions. Rather than leaving him to suggest everything, do not be afraid to take the initiative anytime you feel the urge.
Testing your power
One
way of becoming relaxed and comfortable with your power is to use it
early on in order to experience that your partner really will do what
you say, or will really stop doing something when told.
If you find the idea of him being nude or partially undressed fun, then be brave at the beginning and `request´ that he do this. This will show you that your power is real. And having taken this first big step, you can then relax and just enjoy the dynamic for a while.
It can be fun to play with your partner's sexual energy, making it go up and then down (if he is nude you can see this happening!). So another way to test your power is to enjoy some teasing or sexual activity for a while, and then have it stop. Having him stop while he is still very excited will again make you feel that your power is real.
If you find the idea of him being nude or partially undressed fun, then be brave at the beginning and `request´ that he do this. This will show you that your power is real. And having taken this first big step, you can then relax and just enjoy the dynamic for a while.
It can be fun to play with your partner's sexual energy, making it go up and then down (if he is nude you can see this happening!). So another way to test your power is to enjoy some teasing or sexual activity for a while, and then have it stop. Having him stop while he is still very excited will again make you feel that your power is real.
Cuddles in bed
With
Devotional Sex there is no
`slippery slope´,
where doing one activity creates expectations that another, more intimate activity
will follow. For example, the most comfortable place for lots of
kissing and cuddling is bed, but going there usually implies that
things will go much further.
With Devotional Sex you can go to bed for just a cuddle, and this can be `policed´ by both of you keeping your underpants on the whole time. Once again this might be as far as you wish to go.
Because the focus in getting into bed together for the first time should be on the pleasure of skin-on-skin cuddles, it is a good idea if you both wear your underpants when you first get into bed. If one person is already naked in the living room, have them put their underpants back on before going into the bedroom. This also enables you to change the focus of activities. For example, you might have had your partner naked in the living room, but once in bed you might want him to keep his underpants on all night, and perhaps allow the focus to move to you.
With Devotional Sex you can go to bed for just a cuddle, and this can be `policed´ by both of you keeping your underpants on the whole time. Once again this might be as far as you wish to go.
Because the focus in getting into bed together for the first time should be on the pleasure of skin-on-skin cuddles, it is a good idea if you both wear your underpants when you first get into bed. If one person is already naked in the living room, have them put their underpants back on before going into the bedroom. This also enables you to change the focus of activities. For example, you might have had your partner naked in the living room, but once in bed you might want him to keep his underpants on all night, and perhaps allow the focus to move to you.
Explore one person
An
exciting and fun way to go a bit further in bed is for only one person
to take their underpants off. You both then concentrate on touching and
exploring the naked person. If there is oral sex, there is no "I am
doing you so that you do me". Instead both people enjoy concentrating
on one person as the main sexual activity of the evening.
It is best to spend some time just cuddling first. As usual your partner will not know whether or not you are going to go any further. And if you do decide to go further, he will not know in which direction you will go.
If you decide to explore further using this method, it is up to you to decide which person is naked.
You may like to keep your panties on and to explore and pleasure your partner. You may feel that keeping your panties on provides assurance that things will not go further.
If you allow him to be naked in bed you still have full control over what happens. With him naked his erection becomes your plaything for you to explore and enjoy!
If you play with him using your hands you decide how fast and slow you will do it, and for how long. As there is no rush, and he will not ejaculate, Devotional Sex encourages lots of slow and sensual playing!
Whenever he is hard he will enjoy your playing with him, or just holding him.
Just quietly cuddling in bed while you hold (but do not play with) his very hard erection is a common Devotional Sex activity, and is called a Devotional Cuddle. The main times to enjoy this are when you decide to rest for a while, and when you want to end the nights sexual activities. A Devotional Cuddle proves that you still accept and enjoy his high energy, and it ensures that he does not feel rejected when you end the sexual activity.
A Devotional Cuddle is a unique pleasure of Devotional Sex. You will feel his devotion to you because while you can feel his strong desire in your hand you also know that he has accepted your decision to stop sexual activity. Perhaps surprisingly, he also very much enjoys a Devotional Cuddle. His choice to use Devotional Sex is because he enjoys this intimate cuddle much more than ending the night with an ejaculation!
When he is naked in bed you also can give him oral sex. Of course you do not need to do this. If you do you can just tease him with a nibble, do it for just a short time, or enjoy him at your leisure!
It will please him, and perhaps interest you, if he enjoys some non-ejaculatory orgasms. These can result from him playing with himself (the easiest way for him to demonstrate his ability), from you playing with him, or from you giving him oral sex. Giving a man multiple orgasms is fun, and great for the man!
Rather than you exploring him, you might prefer him to pleasure you.
His extra intensity from not ejaculating, and his appreciation of the benefits of doing things slowly and giving pleasure to his partner, mean that he will enjoy giving you oral as much as you enjoy receiving it. You might enjoy your partner's eagerness to please and very much appreciate that he is happy and willing to give pleasure without expecting anything in return.
Remember that you have the power to control all activities. If you want to receive oral sex, just ask and he will oblige. And he will keep going until you ask him to stop!
The Tantric aspect of Devotional Sex means that sex is not just about quickly bringing someone to orgasm. When your partner gives you oral he will respond to you. If you want just a few minutes of high activity to quickly have an orgasm, he will oblige (with pleasure). If you want to enjoy his devotion in a more meditative way by having him gently pleasure you for twenty minutes or longer, he will also oblige. Giving you oral for a long time becomes a sexual meditation for your partner, and he will be enjoying you as much as you are enjoying him.
With Devotional Sex his giving you oral sex is an act of mutual pleasure. This is one reason why it is this act which is represented by the Devotional Sex logo seen at the top of each page, and in a bigger version on the welcome page. If you like the idea of your partner pleasing you this way whenever you wish, you can ask your partner about the use of the Ritual command.
It is because your partner enjoys giving oral sex so much that some of the teases suggested on this page are particularly powerful. If he sees your panties when he gives you a foot massage he will be wanting to give you oral. If he is allowed to kiss your panties he will be wanting to taste you. With the teasing he gains pleasure in anticipation, and you may feel powerful and very sexy as you enjoy his desire. While teasing at the beginning of the evening can lead to a long session of mutual pleasure latter on, even strong teasing does not mean that you will allow him to pleasure you that night.
Because he wants you so much, it can be powerful to not let him use his hands on your sex. Why have him use his hands when he is so keen to use his mouth? Using his hands can sometimes be an easy option for a man when he is not really interested in giving pleasure. Having him always use his mouth on you becomes symbolic of his continuing keenness to please you. (As with all Devotional Sex activities, you decide what happens. If you really like this idea, give it a go. And if you like him using his hand, just ignore this idea.)
If the idea of receiving long sessions of oral is appealing, Devotional Sex encourages you to enjoy this as the main activity for at least one night before you enjoy a night with intercourse.
Especially when you enjoy receiving some long oral the first time, check in occasionally to see if he needs a rest. If you end the night this way, then he will very much appreciate a Devotional Cuddle. If he still has his underpants on then you can just hold him over his underpants. Remember that this cuddle is to feel and accept his energy, and to let him slowly calm down, and playing with him will maintain his energy. Of course you can play with him a little if you wish before you end the night with just some holding. But you can also choose to hold him without any playing, which is appropriate if you want to emphasize that this night has been about enjoying other pleasures.
Make the most out of everything you do in bed by going slowly and including some teasing.
If you want to play with him, don't just tell him to take his underpants off and then grab him. Instead play with him lightly over his underpants first. This is a significant tease because he will not know whether or not you are going to go further. You could even rub your face and mouth over his underpants. The suggestion of oral sex is powerful, and doing these things does not mean that you will actually give him oral later on. When (or if) you finally put your hand into his underpants, the feeling can be electric.
If you want him to pleasure you, you can do things in a similar way. You can first tease him by having him give you oral over your panties. Again, he will not know whether or not you intend to let things go further. Eventually you can allow him to take your panties off. If you are comfortable, and it excites you, you can allow him to be close to your sex but without being able to touch. Perhaps you could play with yourself with him watching. If you wet your fingers while doing this you can tease him by letting him lick them clean.
Depending on what you wanted, that could be as far as you go that night. Alternatively, given that there has been so much anticipation of him pleasuring you with his mouth, it might be time to enjoy his devotion!
Spending time on only one main activity enables a relaxed intensity and makes the activity feel very special. If you have taken your time, and fully enjoyed the journey so far, then after you have enjoyed one or two long sessions of oral sex, you might feel that you have gone far enough for one night. You might both want to go further. But with Devotional Sex it can be best to leave this for another time. Of course it is up to you what happens.
If you spend the night together, it can work best for any sexual activity in the morning to be mainly a repeat of the activities of the night before, rather than trying something new. This will make it feel like one long session with some sleep in the middle rather than two different sessions. So if he was giving you oral sex the night before, allow him to give it to you again in the morning (even if it is just for a few minutes if you have to get up quickly).
The next time you are together is the best time to explore new activities, and then it will also feel natural to repeat some of the activities you did the first time as well.
Devotional Sex makes it easy to enjoy several hours in bed. Because your partner does not ejaculate, he always has the desire to keep going. You will probably not want to be doing high energy activities all the time, so whenever you feel like it you can use your control to stop an activity for a rest. Don't be afraid to start things up once more as soon as you feel the urge.
When you cease activities for a while, and just talk and cuddle, it is very easy to feel intimate with, and connected to, your partner. As there is still erotic energy, the cuddle has some electricity and gentle touches are meaningful. With Devotional Sex these rest times are also special, and a final Devotional Cuddle can be a highlight of the night.
If you enjoy a very long session it is likely that he will not be fully hard all of the time. Even when he is not fully hard he will have erotic energy and will enjoy whatever activities are taking place. After resting, your partner is likely to become hard again.
As your partner does not ejaculate, he does not have an obvious end point. So it is up to you to decide when the night's activities will stop and it is time to calm down with a final cuddle.
It is best to spend some time just cuddling first. As usual your partner will not know whether or not you are going to go any further. And if you do decide to go further, he will not know in which direction you will go.
If you decide to explore further using this method, it is up to you to decide which person is naked.
You may like to keep your panties on and to explore and pleasure your partner. You may feel that keeping your panties on provides assurance that things will not go further.
If you allow him to be naked in bed you still have full control over what happens. With him naked his erection becomes your plaything for you to explore and enjoy!
If you play with him using your hands you decide how fast and slow you will do it, and for how long. As there is no rush, and he will not ejaculate, Devotional Sex encourages lots of slow and sensual playing!
Whenever he is hard he will enjoy your playing with him, or just holding him.
Just quietly cuddling in bed while you hold (but do not play with) his very hard erection is a common Devotional Sex activity, and is called a Devotional Cuddle. The main times to enjoy this are when you decide to rest for a while, and when you want to end the nights sexual activities. A Devotional Cuddle proves that you still accept and enjoy his high energy, and it ensures that he does not feel rejected when you end the sexual activity.
A Devotional Cuddle is a unique pleasure of Devotional Sex. You will feel his devotion to you because while you can feel his strong desire in your hand you also know that he has accepted your decision to stop sexual activity. Perhaps surprisingly, he also very much enjoys a Devotional Cuddle. His choice to use Devotional Sex is because he enjoys this intimate cuddle much more than ending the night with an ejaculation!
When he is naked in bed you also can give him oral sex. Of course you do not need to do this. If you do you can just tease him with a nibble, do it for just a short time, or enjoy him at your leisure!
It will please him, and perhaps interest you, if he enjoys some non-ejaculatory orgasms. These can result from him playing with himself (the easiest way for him to demonstrate his ability), from you playing with him, or from you giving him oral sex. Giving a man multiple orgasms is fun, and great for the man!
Rather than you exploring him, you might prefer him to pleasure you.
His extra intensity from not ejaculating, and his appreciation of the benefits of doing things slowly and giving pleasure to his partner, mean that he will enjoy giving you oral as much as you enjoy receiving it. You might enjoy your partner's eagerness to please and very much appreciate that he is happy and willing to give pleasure without expecting anything in return.
Remember that you have the power to control all activities. If you want to receive oral sex, just ask and he will oblige. And he will keep going until you ask him to stop!
The Tantric aspect of Devotional Sex means that sex is not just about quickly bringing someone to orgasm. When your partner gives you oral he will respond to you. If you want just a few minutes of high activity to quickly have an orgasm, he will oblige (with pleasure). If you want to enjoy his devotion in a more meditative way by having him gently pleasure you for twenty minutes or longer, he will also oblige. Giving you oral for a long time becomes a sexual meditation for your partner, and he will be enjoying you as much as you are enjoying him.
With Devotional Sex his giving you oral sex is an act of mutual pleasure. This is one reason why it is this act which is represented by the Devotional Sex logo seen at the top of each page, and in a bigger version on the welcome page. If you like the idea of your partner pleasing you this way whenever you wish, you can ask your partner about the use of the Ritual command.
It is because your partner enjoys giving oral sex so much that some of the teases suggested on this page are particularly powerful. If he sees your panties when he gives you a foot massage he will be wanting to give you oral. If he is allowed to kiss your panties he will be wanting to taste you. With the teasing he gains pleasure in anticipation, and you may feel powerful and very sexy as you enjoy his desire. While teasing at the beginning of the evening can lead to a long session of mutual pleasure latter on, even strong teasing does not mean that you will allow him to pleasure you that night.
Because he wants you so much, it can be powerful to not let him use his hands on your sex. Why have him use his hands when he is so keen to use his mouth? Using his hands can sometimes be an easy option for a man when he is not really interested in giving pleasure. Having him always use his mouth on you becomes symbolic of his continuing keenness to please you. (As with all Devotional Sex activities, you decide what happens. If you really like this idea, give it a go. And if you like him using his hand, just ignore this idea.)
If the idea of receiving long sessions of oral is appealing, Devotional Sex encourages you to enjoy this as the main activity for at least one night before you enjoy a night with intercourse.
Especially when you enjoy receiving some long oral the first time, check in occasionally to see if he needs a rest. If you end the night this way, then he will very much appreciate a Devotional Cuddle. If he still has his underpants on then you can just hold him over his underpants. Remember that this cuddle is to feel and accept his energy, and to let him slowly calm down, and playing with him will maintain his energy. Of course you can play with him a little if you wish before you end the night with just some holding. But you can also choose to hold him without any playing, which is appropriate if you want to emphasize that this night has been about enjoying other pleasures.
Make the most out of everything you do in bed by going slowly and including some teasing.
If you want to play with him, don't just tell him to take his underpants off and then grab him. Instead play with him lightly over his underpants first. This is a significant tease because he will not know whether or not you are going to go further. You could even rub your face and mouth over his underpants. The suggestion of oral sex is powerful, and doing these things does not mean that you will actually give him oral later on. When (or if) you finally put your hand into his underpants, the feeling can be electric.
If you want him to pleasure you, you can do things in a similar way. You can first tease him by having him give you oral over your panties. Again, he will not know whether or not you intend to let things go further. Eventually you can allow him to take your panties off. If you are comfortable, and it excites you, you can allow him to be close to your sex but without being able to touch. Perhaps you could play with yourself with him watching. If you wet your fingers while doing this you can tease him by letting him lick them clean.
Depending on what you wanted, that could be as far as you go that night. Alternatively, given that there has been so much anticipation of him pleasuring you with his mouth, it might be time to enjoy his devotion!
Spending time on only one main activity enables a relaxed intensity and makes the activity feel very special. If you have taken your time, and fully enjoyed the journey so far, then after you have enjoyed one or two long sessions of oral sex, you might feel that you have gone far enough for one night. You might both want to go further. But with Devotional Sex it can be best to leave this for another time. Of course it is up to you what happens.
If you spend the night together, it can work best for any sexual activity in the morning to be mainly a repeat of the activities of the night before, rather than trying something new. This will make it feel like one long session with some sleep in the middle rather than two different sessions. So if he was giving you oral sex the night before, allow him to give it to you again in the morning (even if it is just for a few minutes if you have to get up quickly).
The next time you are together is the best time to explore new activities, and then it will also feel natural to repeat some of the activities you did the first time as well.
Devotional Sex makes it easy to enjoy several hours in bed. Because your partner does not ejaculate, he always has the desire to keep going. You will probably not want to be doing high energy activities all the time, so whenever you feel like it you can use your control to stop an activity for a rest. Don't be afraid to start things up once more as soon as you feel the urge.
When you cease activities for a while, and just talk and cuddle, it is very easy to feel intimate with, and connected to, your partner. As there is still erotic energy, the cuddle has some electricity and gentle touches are meaningful. With Devotional Sex these rest times are also special, and a final Devotional Cuddle can be a highlight of the night.
If you enjoy a very long session it is likely that he will not be fully hard all of the time. Even when he is not fully hard he will have erotic energy and will enjoy whatever activities are taking place. After resting, your partner is likely to become hard again.
As your partner does not ejaculate, he does not have an obvious end point. So it is up to you to decide when the night's activities will stop and it is time to calm down with a final cuddle.
If he is submissive
A sexually
submissive person is someone who gets turned on by another person
having power over them. Devotional Sex does not require the man to be
submissive - he just needs to be willing to give up some control in
order to enjoy the many benefits of Devotional Sex.
If your partner does enjoy submission, you can play with a different dynamic and have fun in ways that would not work with a non-submissive man.
You can talk with your partner about what sort of control he likes, and this may inspire you to use your power in a different way.
Each couple will have their own power dynamic, and so what is best is what works for both of you.
If your partner does enjoy submission, you can play with a different dynamic and have fun in ways that would not work with a non-submissive man.
You can talk with your partner about what sort of control he likes, and this may inspire you to use your power in a different way.
Each couple will have their own power dynamic, and so what is best is what works for both of you.
How far and fast do you go?
Most women
enjoying Devotional Sex for the first time find it very easy and
natural to only go as far as they want.
Some just like to enjoy some massage, maybe a little undressing, and finish with some kissing and cuddling in the living room. This enables you to enjoy some intimacy and erotic tension, and yet to still leave more explicit sexual activity to a future date.
Some like to take the cuddles to bed, and love enjoying some intimacy in bed but with both keeping their underpants on. This shows that it is possible to enjoy high erotic energy and build intimacy without needing to engage in explicit sexual activity.
And some like to go a little further and after enjoying just cuddles in bed they decide to enjoy exploring one person. Some of those who go this far just like playing with his hardness without feeling any pressure to go further. Others enjoy feeling very special when their partner is happy to give them some long oral sex without wanting anything other than a cuddle in return.
With the excitement of first intimacy, not going as far as intercourse is rarely missed.
While most women find it is easy, comfortable and natural to only go as far as they want, what tends to be much harder is slowing things down at the beginning. If the evening begins with a foot massage and one person undressing (partially or everything), then many women are tempted to quickly start to cuddle, and in the cuddle it is common for her to want the dressed person to also quickly take some clothes off.
As you decide what happens, if you want to move quickly at the beginning then that is fine.
But remember that you also have the unique opportunity of exploring your feelings when doing this all much slower. You both might want a cuddle, but you can draw out the anticipation by having a proper foot massage first. When you start to cuddle you will both want the dressed person to also take some clothes off. But why not draw this out, and enjoy the strange feelings from the clothing differences. Going slowly and taking your time at each stage makes each step feel much more significant.
But having said all this, remember that you are not doing Devotional Sex right if you just do what is suggested above. You are doing it right when it feels right to you are your partner. Have fun!
Some just like to enjoy some massage, maybe a little undressing, and finish with some kissing and cuddling in the living room. This enables you to enjoy some intimacy and erotic tension, and yet to still leave more explicit sexual activity to a future date.
Some like to take the cuddles to bed, and love enjoying some intimacy in bed but with both keeping their underpants on. This shows that it is possible to enjoy high erotic energy and build intimacy without needing to engage in explicit sexual activity.
And some like to go a little further and after enjoying just cuddles in bed they decide to enjoy exploring one person. Some of those who go this far just like playing with his hardness without feeling any pressure to go further. Others enjoy feeling very special when their partner is happy to give them some long oral sex without wanting anything other than a cuddle in return.
With the excitement of first intimacy, not going as far as intercourse is rarely missed.
While most women find it is easy, comfortable and natural to only go as far as they want, what tends to be much harder is slowing things down at the beginning. If the evening begins with a foot massage and one person undressing (partially or everything), then many women are tempted to quickly start to cuddle, and in the cuddle it is common for her to want the dressed person to also quickly take some clothes off.
As you decide what happens, if you want to move quickly at the beginning then that is fine.
But remember that you also have the unique opportunity of exploring your feelings when doing this all much slower. You both might want a cuddle, but you can draw out the anticipation by having a proper foot massage first. When you start to cuddle you will both want the dressed person to also take some clothes off. But why not draw this out, and enjoy the strange feelings from the clothing differences. Going slowly and taking your time at each stage makes each step feel much more significant.
But having said all this, remember that you are not doing Devotional Sex right if you just do what is suggested above. You are doing it right when it feels right to you are your partner. Have fun!
Wooing your partner
Wooing
in Devotional Dating is when a Princess decides to make progress much
slower. This can be done by a mixture of having some sessions which go
no further than the one before, and by not advancing by as many
activities when things do advance.
As the Knight is wanting to go further, his wooing of his Princess becomes much more intense and powerful. (More)
Your next sessions with your date are very influential in that they will set what becomes normal for you as a couple within your sex life. Devotional Sex gives the opportunity to create a very different normal.
Though you probably both want to explore other sexual activities very soon, Devotional Sex recommends that you continue to take your time, and there is great power and thus enjoyment if some activities are delayed. (More)
As the Knight is wanting to go further, his wooing of his Princess becomes much more intense and powerful. (More)
Your next sessions
Your next sessions with your date are very influential in that they will set what becomes normal for you as a couple within your sex life. Devotional Sex gives the opportunity to create a very different normal.
Though you probably both want to explore other sexual activities very soon, Devotional Sex recommends that you continue to take your time, and there is great power and thus enjoyment if some activities are delayed. (More)
Conclusion
Devotional
Sex is about fully enjoying what you are doing without feeling rushed
to go on to the next step, or to reciprocate any activity. Each
activity goes on for as long as you wish.
Taking your time and not going `all the way´ results in lots of shared intimacy and pleasure.
The unwritten rules and expectations of `normal´ dating very much limit the possibilities. Replacing these `rules´ with Devotional Sex enables many more things to happen, and encourages you to enjoy each small step as a significant moment. It is also lots more fun and much sexier!
You might need to be brave to start things off, but once the dynamic is in place you will probably feel very comfortable. If you are slightly adventurous, take advantage of the chance to have fun with some teasing and by doing things differently. And if you are not very adventurous, only do what feels comfortable and leave the theatrics to others.
This is all just a way for you and your partner to have more fun and intimacy. Enjoy!
You can learn all about Devotional Sex at DevotionalSex.com
And I am sure your partner will be happy to talk about it and answer any of your questions.
Taking your time and not going `all the way´ results in lots of shared intimacy and pleasure.
The unwritten rules and expectations of `normal´ dating very much limit the possibilities. Replacing these `rules´ with Devotional Sex enables many more things to happen, and encourages you to enjoy each small step as a significant moment. It is also lots more fun and much sexier!
You might need to be brave to start things off, but once the dynamic is in place you will probably feel very comfortable. If you are slightly adventurous, take advantage of the chance to have fun with some teasing and by doing things differently. And if you are not very adventurous, only do what feels comfortable and leave the theatrics to others.
This is all just a way for you and your partner to have more fun and intimacy. Enjoy!
You can learn all about Devotional Sex at DevotionalSex.com
And I am sure your partner will be happy to talk about it and answer any of your questions.
Feedback
If you have
any suggestions on how these two pages could be improved, please contact me and let me know.
I am also interested in hearing from you if you have had success (or otherwise) in using Devotional Sex for first intimacy.
I am also interested in hearing from you if you have had success (or otherwise) in using Devotional Sex for first intimacy.
If you are interested in enjoying some intimacy with your date, but feel it is unlikely that you will have a romantic relationship with him, you might want to become just Devotional Friends.
Devotional Friends are friends who use the principles of Devotional Sex to enjoy sharing a mix of intimacy, sensual pleasures, erotic resting, erotic fun, and sexual pleasures. How far you go is totally up to you, and if you stay just Devotional Friends you never go as far as intercourse.
Of course a romantic relationship with the right person is best. But those without a romantic partner should not have to miss out on intimacy.
Having a Devotional Friend enables you to enjoy intimacy when you don't have a romantic partner, and it opens up a whole new world to explore and enjoy.
Jump to: Devotional Friends (intimacy with a friend)
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