Tantric Devotion: a Spiritual View
How Tantric Devotion is different from real Tantra | Chapter 7: Tantric Devotion
FemDom vs Tantra
Some may see the sexual and spiritual aspects of FemDom and Tantra as being dissonant and incompatible.
This need not be the case, as Devotional Sex creates a unified sexual experience and Devotional Tantra creates a unified spiritual experience.
This need not be the case, as Devotional Sex creates a unified sexual experience and Devotional Tantra creates a unified spiritual experience.
A reader wrote to me saying:
I have found that mixing Tantra with FemDom was unattainable and so I have vacillated from one extreme to the other. I have just had to accept that there was no good way I could integrate these two disciplines.
The biggest dissonance I was unable to overcome was this:
So
is Tantra dissonant with FemDom? How can both of these techniques be
used within Devotional Sex? And how does Tantric Devotion integrate the
spiritual aspects?The biggest dissonance I was unable to overcome was this:
- In
Tantra I viewed my partner as a path to an egoless highest integrated
selfless godlike being. In that completeness, ultimately all of desire
is attained, and ceases.
- In
Femdom I viewed my partner as a Goddess. However the snare of ego, by
placing them in a hierarchy, messed things up for both of us. The goal
was to increase my desire to a point where I would do almost anything
to attain it. And of course, the playing around with subjugation of
will is hardly a path to God like being.
Handnglove, 49, Maui Hawaii, USA
There is no right answer to these questions - the best we can do is seek to discover what is right for us.
Hopefully my views will help some readers along this path.
Is Tantra dissonant with FemDom?
Most people who write about or teach a particular technique are very experienced in that technique. They have climbed the mountain of learning and experience, and are near the top.
The top of a mountain is when a technique has been taken as far as it can go. Everyone else near the top of that mountain is saying similar things, so it must all be right.
But everyone near the top has minor differences, and their own way of putting things, so some at the top decide to write about or teach that technique their way.
The result is many books and courses on the well known techniques, and the only variation is the author's slant on that technique.
Many of these books and courses have an assumption, possibly unacknowledged, that everyone else also aims to reach the peak.
In terms of how a couple enjoy sex the peaks of Tantra and FemDom are dissonant and incompatible.
And in terms of the spiritual aspects, as expressed by the reader at the top of this page, the two techniques can also be seen as incompatible.
How can both of these techniques be used within Devotional Sex?
Devotional Sex came about when I explored the lower slopes of the mountains of Tantra, FemDom, and the Taoist multi-orgasmic man.
I did not want to climb to the top of any of these mountains.
I have no doubt that these mountain tops contain great rewards for those who choose to strive to reach the top of their preferred mountain. But for me real Tantra and full BDSM FemDom are both far too extreme. And as not perfecting the multi-orgasmic man technique is what powers my desire for my Princess, I never wanted to reach the full calm that this technique enables.
Devotional Sex was discovered when I found that putting together a bit of each of these techniques had created a new mountain top. And because none of the component techniques need to be perfected, this is a much easier mountain to climb.
The Devotional Sex mountain also has a very large flat top. This enables each couple to use more or less of any of the ingredient techniques as suits their taste.
Of course I am not saying that Devotional Sex is a better mountain. But it is a new mountain which I enjoy, and writing this site is giving you this new option for your personal exploration.
Combining sex with spirituality is very powerful.
But even those who use sex to have a spiritual experience will probably most often enjoy sex as just a fun recreational activity which is just adult play. This play provides great intimacy and connection with your partner even when it is enjoyed without a spiritual component.
As said in Chapter 1 here, the name Devotional Sex is not spiritual, and most people who practice Devotional Sex will do so only as a sexual lifestyle.
As a sexual practice and lifestyle Devotional Sex uses some of the sexual techniques of Tantric Sex as well as mild FemDom. For most couples the Tantric aspects will just be sexual activity being slower and lasting for longer. Unlike most Tantric Sex, those who practice Devotional Sex are likely to include lots of oral sex done in the slow and sensual Tantric style.
A very important bit of Tantra used within Devotional Sex is for the couple to be in the moment of what they are enjoying (instead of striving for orgasm or the next sexual activity), and to learn to enjoy giving pleasure as much as they enjoy receiving it.
Devotee couples interested in going further with Tantra can add Tantric breathing and connection techniques, and they can also include some more formal Tantric ceremonies within their lifestyle.
Even when the spiritual aspects are ignored, BDSM FemDom, real Tantra, real Tao, and Devotional Sex are different mountains. You cannot be on two mountain tops at the same time. (Some couples may enjoy visiting a different mountain top on different days though).
Practicing Devotional Sex requires couples to take a middle path when it comes to the sexual practices of FemDom, Tantra, and Tao. Instead of climbing one of these mountains, a couple need to find how taking parts of each of these can combine to create their own Devotional Sex mountain.
I have found that it is very easy and natural for a couple to find the right amount of Princes Power, Tantra, and Tao. Once Devotional Sex is felt as being a new mountain (rather than being in the middle of the other mountains) the route up the Devotional Sex mountain becomes clear and easy to follow.
My first bit of advice to Handnglove is to sometimes enjoy sex with your partner as just a meaningful recreation. It is then, at least in my experience, very easy to combine Princess Power with some Tantric techniques.
How does Tantric Devotion integrate the spiritual aspects?
The two mountain tops of FemDom and Tantra can also include a spiritual component.
At the extreme, which is going further than said by Handnglove at the top of the page, Tantra might be thought of as `I am God´ whilst FemDom is `She is God´.
Clearly these two views are dissonant and incompatible.
As Devotional Sex does not go all with way with FemDom or Tantra it avoids these two extremes.
In particular Devotional Sex came about partly because most women do not want to be a BDSM style FemDom Mistress. They do not want to have to control 100% of the activities. Using the calming aspects of the Tao the Knight controls much of his own energy so that his Princess does not have to be dominant.
Compared to real FemDom, Devotional Sex is a partnership between a Princess and her Knight. The much weaker hierarchy of Devotional Sex means that Devotional Sex is much easier for a woman to accept and enjoy than traditional FemDom.
So Devotional Sex does not have a Knight feeling that his Princess is a powerful Mistress to whom he totally submits.
This sexual difference means that when it comes to the spiritual it is less likely for a Knight to feel that his Princess is `God´.
Devotional Tantra, the subject of this chapter, also takes a middle path.
Devotional Tantra says `We are all one´. Devotional Tantra celebrates `the feminine creative forces of the universe´. This can be thought of as `Everything is God´.
Devotional Tantra can be felt and celebrated by recognizing it in nature - the sun warming our skin, the waves on the beach, the beauty of plants and animals.
And, of course, Devotional Sex can be used to feel and celebrate the oneness of the universe.
My inspiration for Devotional Tantra was Tantra: The Cult of the Feminine. So not all Tantra is of the `I am God´ view.
The spiritual aspect of my Devotional Sex is never that my Princess is `God´. Instead she is an enabler to create powerful feelings within myself (sexual desire, submission, etc) that make me feel at one with the feminine creative forces of the universe.
The universe is one. I feel as one with the universe. My Princess is one with the universe.
For me Devotional Sex creates and maintains my strongest and most intense sexual feelings. Using these powerful feelings to celebrate a spiritual view is extremely effective and powerful.
When I loose myself in this spiritual experience neither I nor my Princess are `God´. We, and the universe, are all one.
If, for you I have succeeded in combining some of the spiritual aspects of FemDom and Tantra, then, in the words of my Handnglove, I have crossed the Diamond with the Pearl.
The ongoing discussion
Please feel free to comment on what I have written. I am happy to include alternative views so that readers are better able to make up their own minds.
The Devotional Sex Forum page for discussing this page is here.
