2: Vanilla Sex
To the first page on: Vanilla Sex | Definition of Vanilla Sex
Vanilla attitudes towards sex
It
is our thinking which directs our actions. One of the main reasons
Vanilla Sex is different from good sex is because the attitudes towards
sex are different.
This section looks at the many strange attitudes that are, unfortunately, part of the `normal´ way in which most people think about sex.
This section looks at the many strange attitudes that are, unfortunately, part of the `normal´ way in which most people think about sex.
Unwritten rules for sex in dating
Can you remember a social or work situation where you went somewhere new and did not know how to behave or what was expected of you? This uncertainty is a very uncomfortable feeling. Usually you soon find out the `unwritten rules´ for that situation, and from then on you feel comfortable.
First sexual activity with a new person is very exciting, and we may feel nervous, but most of us know how to handle this situation. Even though we may not realize it, this is because we have learned a whole lot of `unwritten rules´. (More)
In a long established sexual relationship the sexual activities, and attitudes behind them, have usually settled down and are unlikely to change. Each couple have created a sex life which is now `normal´ for them in that relationship. Without knowing it, they have settled on some `unwritten rules´.
The `unwritten rules´ for each established sexual relationship can be very different for different couples. Though one or both may not be fully happy with their `normal´, it is unusual for couples to seriously consider how they could make things better. (More)
There are several common male attitudes towards sex.
One is where the male is focused on `possessing´ the woman. Another is where he thinks of the women as someone who should just give him sexual pleasure (and he ignores her pleasure). And when the male recognizes that he needs to give his partner pleasure (or he will not get sex), then sex can become transactional - "I'll do you if you do me". (More)
Women's attitudes towards Vanilla Sex may depend on the type of man they are used to.
Some women mainly enjoy the thrill of `being taken´ by a man. Others enjoy giving the man pleasure without expecting much in return. Those who do expect something in return may think of sex as being transactional - "I'll do you if you do me first." (More)
Male dominance is very common with Vanilla Sex. This dominance is very different from the dominance and submission used in the BDSM world, and from the Princess Power used in Devotional Sex. In both these cases the power to control the other person is given by the person giving up control. So both BDSM and Devotional Sex are fully consensual.
With dominance in Vanilla Sex the male is usually taking control without the consent of their partner. Such dominance ranges from the female just `putting up with it´ to serious abuse. (More)
The male erection is always a symbol of male sexual arousal. But beyond that it can have very different `meanings´.
Within Vanilla Sex a male is likely to think of his erection as a symbol of male sexual power. And a female will often think of an erection as a demand for sex. (More)
Which is your most special and intimate sexual activity - kissing, oral sex, or intercourse?
That it is not the act, but the meaning we give these acts that creates intimacy is shown by how the answer to this questions depends on your situation. (More)
As Vanilla Sex is sex at its least sophisticated, it is at this level that urge for sex is at its most raw and powerful. Vanilla Sex also tends to be fairly quick sex. One of the reasons that many people never want to move away from Vanilla Sex is that they do not think that it is worth spending more time enjoying their sex life. (More)
Another reason why people keep practicing Vanilla Sex is that they feel that what they are doing is `natural´ and that anything more sophisticated is `unnatural´. (More)
Unsophisticated thinking likes everything to be either black or white. The powerful sex urge cannot be kept locked away, so when this directs a man's thinking he will see women as only sex objects. When sex is put back into the cupboard, both men and women then think that women should be seen as non-sexual.
The consequences of moving between these two views is that we live in a world where sex is often used in advertising, sex as depicted in pornography is dehumanized, and our idea of beauty cannot be met in the real world. (More)
Women who enjoy sex are sluts
Some people think that it is wrong for a women to enjoy sex, and so anyone who does is a slut. (More)
Dysfunctional attitudes
To someone who enjoys a very sophisticated sex life, all of the typical Vanilla attitudes are seen as slightly dysfunctional. But there are attitudes which are dysfunctional even from the Vanilla viewpoint. (More)
