Ejaculation Denial
Back to Ejaculation Denial | Chapter 14: BDSM and Devotional Sex
Devotional Sex - it may suit you best
Ejaculation denial is a key component of Devotional Sex.
A man who practices Devotional Sex does not ejaculate (Climax) most times he participates in sexual activity. If he is in a relationship he is only allowed to Climax when his Princess allows him to.
And when Devotional Dating, or with a Devotional Friend or Devotional Lover, a Knight never ejaculates when with his partner.
But Devotional Sex is very different from standard BDSM-style ejaculation denial.
The main differences are that with Devotional Sex the man enjoys orgasms without ejaculating, his partner does not need to be dominant, and there is a focus on intimacy rather than kink.
Devotional Sex creates a less intense version of ejaculation denial that enables the joys of this practice without the problems. It constitutes a realistic lifestyle which can be enjoyed by both the Princess and her Knight.
The multi-orgasmic man
The key difference between BDSM-style ejaculation denial and Devotional Sex is that a Knight practices the Taoist multi-orgasmic man technique so that he can orgasm without ejaculating.
These non-ejaculatory orgasms are not only fun and very pleasurable for the man, but they also calm his erotic energy and enable him to more easily go many days without ejaculating.
Not only does this solve the problem of the male missing out on orgasms, but because a non-ejaculatory orgasm leaves the man still aroused and erect, he is able to enjoy one orgasm after another, and can easily enjoy more than one orgasm per session. Compared with a man who has a `normal´ sex life, a Knight ejaculates far less often, but can enjoy many more orgasms.
The first step towards a man learning to orgasm without ejaculating is for him to feel relaxed and comfortable when he highly aroused. Knights also learn how to manage their own erotic energy throughout the day so that although they are always horny this feeling is never too intense.
Not ejaculating increases a man's erotic energy. With BDSM-style ejaculation denial the man's thinking about his erotic energy tends to increase his excitement and thus increase his erotic energy even further. This very intense and slightly out-of-control erotic energy can reach a disruptive level and lead to other problems.
The problem of the male having a disruptive level of background erotic energy does not occur within Devotional Sex because the Knight uses mental techniques to calm his erotic energy. He still has higher-than-normal erotic energy, but it is under control and fairly easy to manage.
Within `real´ Tao the man fully calms his energy. Within Devotional Sex the man deliberately does not go this far so that he always has enough erotic energy to power his desire for his Princess.
The problem of the male feeling ignored is solved within Devotional Sex because the Knight knows that if his erotic energy becomes so high that he starts to feel frustrated and ignored, it is his responsibility to calm it.
When a Princess wants to enjoy some activities with a submissive Knight she can tease him to increase his erotic energy. This is the time when a Knight can allow his energy to become very high.
During these playful times the dynamic and energy will be very similar to that enjoyed in the practice of BDSM-style ejaculation denial.
Princess instead of Mistress
BDSM-style ejaculation denial can work very well for a couple when the woman always enjoys her role as a dominant Mistress. The man's very high erotic energy is then always balanced by her dominance.
Being a BDSM Mistress is great fun and very fulfilling for some women. But for most women this role is too demanding and not one that they want to play for long (if at all).
This means that for many men BDSM-style ejaculation denial remains just a fantasy because they are not with, or cannot find, a Mistress.
Devotional Sex can be practiced with a dominant woman. But because the Knight does most of the work of calming his own erotic energy, Devotional Sex can easily be practiced and enjoyed by a modern, confident, but non-dominant woman.
A partner or a date who does not want to act as a dominant Mistress may find that she enjoys the role of a Devotional Sex Princess.
I have never dated a women who has taken control and insisted that even though we might enjoy some sexual activity together, I was not allowed to cum.
But I have told all the women I have dated over the last few years that I practice Devotional Sex and "that no matter what we do tonight I will not cum". All my dates have accepted this, and most have enjoyed the way it freed up our sexual activity by removing the expectation of, and drive towards, male ejaculation.
The difference between a Mistress and a Princess is best shown by what happens on the evenings when the couple do not engage in sexual activity.
With both BDSM-style ejaculation denial and Devotional Sex, the man will be horny every night at bedtime. And with both practices it is the woman who decides whether or not any sexual activity takes place. What differs is how the woman acts and feels in each case.
A Mistress uses her dominance to ensure that her partner behaves and does as she wishes. Both she and her submissive feel that the power dynamic is very real. Her dominance is part of her character, and even on evenings without sexual activity she enjoys feeling that she is in control.
A Princess, in contrast, merely says something like "just a cuddle tonight". Because this is a night without sex, she will often not even be thinking about her role as a Princess. She does not need to feel or act dominant. She does not necessarily feel that she is in control; she just wants an evening without sex and has told her Knight this so that he will not bother her.
Part of being a Princess is always accepting and appreciating her Knight's arousal. So if the couple have a cuddle in bed on a night when nothing further happens, she does not mind if her Knight is aroused and erect. After all, a Knight should always desire his Princess, and nothing indicates this better than him having an erection.
The problem of erections in bed making the female feel uncomfortable is avoided because the Knight’s erection is simply part of his role, and part of being a Princess is being able to enjoy cuddles without sexual activity.
On such evenings things are not quite as easy for the Knight.
In Devotional Sex he is always allowed to be aroused. But he also has to accept all sexual and sensual commands from his Princess. The initially difficult task of accepting that no sexual activity will happen is his responsibility. He is not being dominated by his Princess, but is `dominated´ by having accepted the role of being her Knight.
Even though a Knight has a less intense level of erotic energy than a practitioner of BDSM-style ejaculation denial, it is still always clear to the Princess that he is constantly desiring sexual activity.
Part of being a Princess is ensuring that her Knight remains happy in his role. And this involves making sure that he gets enough sexual activity so as to feel better off as her Knight compared with being in a `normal´ sexual relationship.
The Knight would like sexual activity several times each day, but he knows that in any real-life relationship this is totally unrealistic; it is left to his Princess to decide when they will enjoy sexual activity and when they will not.
The problem of the female feeling pressured is now removed because even though she knows the Knight would like sexual activity all the time, she also feels relaxed and comfortable saying to her Knight: "My, you are horny and wanting tonight. But just a cuddle now. We shall have some fun another time."
One difference between BDSM-style ejaculation denial and Devotional Sex is that within Devotional Sex a Princess will sometimes make her Knight ejaculate when he would actually prefer to continue building up his erotic energy.
So Devotional Sex is really ejaculation control rather than denial.
The Princess being able to have her Knight ejaculate when she wants means that she has control over his erotic energy. If she wants to enjoy her Knight with very high energy then she makes him last a few days longer than usual. And if she wants a more peaceful time and he starts to become too energetic, she can calm him down my having him ejaculate a few days earlier than usual.
Intimacy instead of kink
With standard BDSM-style ejaculation denial the man's high erotic energy is often directed towards wanting to do kinky sexual activities.
With Devotional Sex, enjoying kinky activities might result in some of the most fun and intense times a couple spend together, but such times will be only a small part of the couple’s sexual life.
Most couples are not going to take part in sexual activity every morning and every bedtime. But because of his high erotic energy a Knight may become aroused and erect most mornings and bedtimes. And when there is sexual activity the Knight will not ejaculate at the end of most sessions, so when the session ends the couple will again spend some resting time together with the Knight aroused and erect while they just cuddle.
For most couples who practice Devotional Sex their most common activity, by far, will be this erotic resting.
For a Princess these times can be some of the most erotic and sensual that the couple spend together.
Though the Knight will always prefer it if erotic resting turns into sexual activity, he also learns to very much enjoy these quiet times.
It is this erotic resting time that really builds and maintains a deep feeling of intimacy and connection. This strong base of intimacy can improve not only the rest of the couple’s sex life but also their whole relationship.
Of course the couple will enjoy lots of sexual activity as well.
The Princess decides when sexual activity will commence, which activity will take place, and when it will end. Her power to decide what happens might simply consist of saying "yes" to a suggestion from her Knight.
Most of this sexual activity is not going to be kinky. And because the Knight will usually not ejaculate and is under the direction of his Princess, the basic sexual activities tend to resemble Tantric sex in that they become slower and more sensual, and also tend to last for longer.
The problem of male focus on kinky sex is solved because in Devotional Sex the Knight directs most of his energy into enjoying erotic resting and standard sexual activities.
But kinkier activities are not forgotten, and these can be enjoyed as enhancements to Devotional Sex.
Some kinky activities, such as the Knight spending time naked while his Princess is fully dressed, fit very well into the core dynamic of Devotional Sex. In fact this is such an effective way of establishing a Devotional Dynamic that when Devotional Sex is used for dating, it is usual for a first date to include this fun activity!
When a Devotee couple enjoy a kinky session, the strong underlying foundation of Devotional Sex usually enhances the kinky fun.
In fact Devotional Sex works so well in establishing a dynamic where each person wants to please the other that a Princess may be willing to do a kinky activity which she is not very keen on just to please her partner.
Which is best for you?
Devotional Sex is not the same as BDSM-style ejaculation denial. Neither is better than the other, but one may be preferable to you.
What is best for you also depends on your partner.
For example, a man who would like a strong BDSM-style dynamic but has a partner who does not want to be his Mistress is unlikely to get his wish. Devotional Sex may be the compromise which enables both partners to be happy.
Learning more about Devotional Sex
You can read more about how Devotional Sex relates to the BDSM world in the rest of this chapter.
This includes other BDSM practices which may be an entry to Devotional Sex, as well as an explanation of why Devotional Sex is not BDSM.
Most of this site has been written so that the BDSM-inspired aspects of Devotional Sex (ie mild FemDom and ejaculation denial) are not threatening to those unfamiliar with BDSM. Hence, compared with most writing about BDSM, this site appears very tame. But if kinky people look underneath, they will realize that Devotional Sex is in reality fairly kinky.
Chapter One includes an Outline of Devotional Sex which has links to the other chapters on this site.
Discussion
You can discuss Devotional Sex and its relationship with BDSM-style ejaculation denial at the forum here.
